One of my most difficult hurdles to overcome in building my knowledge of the Gospel is the fact that imperfect people (such as myself) are led by imperfect people. That fact is obvious to adults, but growing up in the church, I had these ideas that the full-time missionaries and leaders were perfect and could do no wrong. Of course that fairy tale came to an end when I left for my mission, because I knew that I was not perfect and soon realized that missionaries are people too. I had to work through this thought piece by piece, person by person.
I realized at the time that the leaders of the Church were not perfect, both local and General Authorities (the prophet and officers of the church). That was difficult to swallow. Please do not think that the church in any way teaches that they are perfect. This was an idea I had put into my own head and had to rewrite my mental scripts.
Armed with this idea, I delved into the scriptures and saw amazing things. Before this change in perception, I did not think a miracle performed by a prophet was such a big deal because he was perfect, but viewed through this new lens of imperfection, I see the miracles of Moses and Elijah as just that - Miracles. Imperfect men doing the works of God! Then came the clincher...could I do these things? Could I do the works of God? Miracles?
This thought was flattering, but who was I to hope for such power. I knew that I was a child of a loving Heavenly Father, but did that fact alone give me that power? What made the difference between an imperfect person who could not do miracles and an imperfect person who could (or rather who the Lord worked through to accomplish his work). I often thought at that time in my life that the perfomring of a miracle was the measure of a servant of God. I know, it sounds like the Cathoilic definition of a Saint, but I believed that I was a saint in training of sorts and performing a miracle would the proof that I had arrived. I soon learned that becoming a saint was not something I arrived at - It was something I decided to do on a daily basis.
I began to do small acts of service. A smile, for instance, to every on who looked at me. I would visit the poor and the well to do and speak of God and His Son. These and others I would do with the thought that is what a Latter-day Saint would do; that is what Jesus would do if he were here, so I invited Him with me everywhere.
During a particular high point at the beginning of my full-time mission (1993-95), my companion and I met a family who invited us in to teach them. They lived in government housing, but this single mother of 3 kept that place as clean as though she lived in a palace. After a few visits, she mentioned to us that her youngest son had suffered a set back with his sickle cell condition. He had been complaining of stiff arms and legs that were painful to move. We then taught her about how the power of the Priesthood has blessed the lives of many people and asked if she would like us to give her son a blessing. She said her son needs all the help he needs and to please go right ahead. We placed our hands on his head and I offered the words of the blessing. No sooner had I began speaking that I felt my whole body fill with this burning sensation and knew that I could not say anything to this little boy except to command his illness to leave his body. I did so and said a few other words of encouragement and the prayer was done.
My companion and I left right after that to return about 3 days later. When we arrived, I knocked on the door, and the mother, who had seen us from the window, was crying when she opened the door. My feeble brain immediately thought that her son had died or something terrible like that, but she gave me this big hug and told us that not even an hour after we left that last time - after the blessing - her son came to her and told her that he did not hurt anymore and has been pain free from that time.
I am not a doctor, but that sounded like a miracle to me, and yet I felt that my journey was just beginning. I do not know what happend in the lives of that family, but I like to remember that I had a small part to play in their life and hope the freedom from pain was permanent.
So here I am, an imperfect man sharing a perfect power. What do I think of these imperfect leaders now. I know this much- that imperfect leaders are placed in those positions to do as the Lord would have them do. I believe that for the prophet, his actions are always in line with what the Lord has in mind for the Church. As for the local leaders, I have seen very imperfect people doing extraordinary work and I can only give credit to the Lord for that.
Sometimes I wonder due to mistakes made by these leaders. My mom tells me that some leaders are called to teach and some are called to test. The key for me is to learn as much as I can from the former and have an abundance of patience with the latter. Who knows, maybe I will be called to lead someday and be the one who tests everyone else.
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